My name is Jenni, I'm 28 and I have issues with food...

The biggest stress I have carried around with me the majority of my life is...my weight. Now, I'm not huge; just overweight enough to feel uncomfortable with myself sometimes. I moan about it, I whine about it and it is on my mind all day every day. I whined so much one time that the FFALWL said to me 'Jen, if you're so miserable, do something about it.' That shut me up. I mean, how dare he? How dare he not be sympathetic to the one thing which was ruling my life? What I hadn't appreciated was that in fact, it was ruling our life. Really.
Now, the FFALWL and I have an 'open' policy. We try and be as honest and open with one another. Even it it inadvertantly causes offence. Which means that more often than not, the poor guy has to hear me bleat on and on. Not this time. My man of so few words let me know that I upset him, I offended him, and he's sick to death of hearing about something, which to him, seemed trivial. I got mad. I told him how this effects me as person. He basically told me to get over it. He finds me hot, that's the most important thing. Typical guy. But he had a point. I think. And you know how us ladies like to talk about weight and such; well the one thing I hear every single time, is 'Jenni, you have such a pretty face...You really are a pretty girl...You don't need to lose that much weight, it doesn't matter', and I know these people mean it. They're not being condescending; they're being honest as good friends should be. I look at most people and see their true beauty, and if I mention it to them, they're shocked. We just don't seem to see our best qualities; only the bad. Shame isn't it?
I started a weight loss group, ate salad, drank water and lost a total of....2.5lbs. If I had had a big fat jackhammer, I would have smashed those stupid weighing scales to smithereens. But I persisted and the following two weigh-ins, I had lost 2lb each time. Clearly, that wasn't the weight loss regime for me. Now, please don't get me wrong, I'm not the type of person who sits around and eats rubbish all day. As I said, I think about my weight All. The. Time. My problem is, as I am running around all day long that I forget about myself. I don't eat three meals a day...I eat one. First mistake. I don't drink anywhere near 8 pints of water a day. Second mistake. Because I Don't eat three meals a day, I'll grab a 'healthy' snack bar. 'Healthy' if part of a healthy diet. Third mistake. I could go on and on and on...I have a terrible relationship with food, and my weight issues are my fault.
To make sure there wasn't any other reason for being unable to lose weight (under active thyroid runs in my family) I went to the doctor. All came back clear, but the doctor requested I go in anyway. She got the impression that something more was bothering me and wanted to make sure all was OK. And out it came, the poor woman. She looked at me with a world of sympathy in her eyes and said 'You have four kids, you're busy all the time...why can't you just be happy? Jenni, you're not even big'. Needless to say, I get this all the time. But this time, for some reason, it hit home. We talked about how the body works and how I am not looking after myself. We talked about how I am one of those people who will have to watch what I eat, probably for the rest of my life. About how, 'do you really have the time to put so much time and effort into counting calories and watch your food intake?' It gave me alot of food for thought (pardon the pun). The long and short of it is, I was super slim before kids, and after having four of the little blighters, my metabolic rate got screwed. Well and truly. The kind doctor offered me some weight loss pills which I thought sounded terrible. They stop the body from absorbing fat, which means it basically comes straight out the other end. Euch...NO! She congratulated and told me that was a wise choice. Referred me to a Dietician instead and I am to look forward to being taught from square one on how to look out for myself sometimes too. Well now, there's a novel idea...
And so a new chapter shall begin. I feel a little daunted and excited all at the same time, and I promise to keep you updated in later posts. Now, please excuse me, I have to go bury my head in a box of Muesli...